i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
