my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
