wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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