dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
