I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
