so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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