There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
