he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
