so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
