my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
