I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Mom said you looked used
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
