We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
