Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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