doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
