it was like his penis was on wheels.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
