Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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