He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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