did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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