I just saw a hot homeless man
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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