I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Drunk is not a location!
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
