just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
ugly people sure do ruin things
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
