He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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