Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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