3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
