You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
