So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
