Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
