Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I need a hoe opinion
go on
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
