i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
