Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
