After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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