These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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