Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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