She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
