Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
