Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
