I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
ugly people sure do ruin things
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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