Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
