Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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