Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
