I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
