How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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