she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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