He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
