dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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