Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
