His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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