remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
