Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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