we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
